Caught red-pawed

Remember what I said about Aunty R going to send me the video clip of Rafv humping me? Well, after much problems with mail boxes and stuff, my M finally got her hands on the clip.

Here's the evidence of my modesty being outraged, and the humans doing nothing but laugh, take video clips and photographs. Why do I have to stay with such a family? I totally give up! I don't even want to fight with them anymore. Look at my face in the clip, doesn't that say it all? sigh...

There I was, enjoying a rest on Aunty S's lap and this rafv have to come disturb me. I bet he was already scheming early in the evening. Look at him looking at innocent me!

tee hee hee... you're gonna be mine!


Look at that evil eyes, glinting with pleasure.




This is my first time uploading a video clip, so I'm not sure how well it will work. The clip may take some time to buffer, so what my M usually does is to click on the 'pause' button right at the beginning, let the clip download and buffer (can see the progress with the grey bar) and then press play once everything's downloaded.

As you can see, it's only when I showed some teeth that Rafv stopped. But he still wanted to stay close to me. The humans saw this picture and were thinking 'awww... Rafv is so sweet to Herbie!' Well, I beg to differ!

Can you be my pillow?


I can't remember which aunty said that it may be my shampoo, coz the last time rafv kept humping me was also after my shower. And guess what? The shampoo was bought from Uncle C (Rafv's daddy). I think this is part of Uncle C's evil plan to make Rafv play. Because no one else wants to play with Rafv, he makes ME be the scapegoat.

Evilness does run in the family...

Fan club members, fall in

Uncle J was telling my M that I now have a fan club. Apparently there are some kind souls out there who are willing to trade in a chicken for a pawtograph.

Anyone who wants a pawtograph, please send in your requests to herbiegr@gmail.com
Details on how to deliver the chicken will be sent to you. I prefer them in anyway, raw, cooked, steamed, boiled, baked. I'm never a fussy eater anyway.

For those who is considering giving me a whole pig or cow, I will throw in a 1 night stay at your home on top of the pawtograph.

*sniff sniff*

I know, after reading my previous post, some of you must be thinking "but don't dogs have a good sense of smell?"

Well, not all dogs do. We are categorised into many kinds of dogs, there's the sight hounds, scent hounds, gundogs, pointers, retrievers, terriers etc etc... So, since retrievers are not scent hounds, I don't have a very good sense of smell. Heck, I don't even have good eyesight! BUT! I have a very good sense of hearing. I can even hear a crisps bag open half a mile away, or even an egg crack!

An example of how bad I am can be proved in a game of hide and seek. My M used to bring me to the old park at Toa Payoh where there is a zig-zag bridge on the pond. Don't bother about finding the bridge now, the last I saw it, it was cordoned off.

She likes to play hide and seek with me there. When she sees me sniffing far away, she will run and squat down right at the corner of one of the zig-zags, and start calling my name.

I will run towards the sound of her voice and start looking for her. But it takes me almost forever to find her, even when she's almost right next to me! Here's a little diagram. The black circle is my M squatting down... the blue lines... well, ever read jap comic books? It's supposedly beads of cold sweat.

And the red arrows are the directions that I run in, for like say, 5 times each before my M gave up and stand up so that I can 'seek' her.



(M: Herbie is really, really bad at hide and seek. I was squatting there and I could see him zipping right past me, in front of my eyes, and 4-5 times and yet cannot find me. Talk about major blurness! *rolls eyes*

Lost

Reading Joey's blog about being lost reminds me of my own experience. It happened about 2 years ago. Let me tell you what happened, with the help of a little diagram.

Well, we lived on the 12th floor, but sometimes my M will take the lift to the 11th floor and walk up one floor if the lift on our floor happens to be busy. I usually memorise the way home, which is "go out the lift door, turn left, round the corner, up the stairs, out the door.... and home sweet home!

My M usually unleashes me in the estate when I'm going for my pee break (almost everyone in the estate knows me, that's how famous I am there.. hee hee). So on that fateful day, after my pee break, we took the lift which stopped on the 11th floor.

As you can see from the diagram, there are 2 staircases which are mirror images, leading to the same levels.

Floor plan


Unfortunately, on that day, someone on the 11th floor was moving, so there were lots of huge cartons and cupboards right in front of the lift. My M, having assumed that I would be following behind her, and also coz this is such a routine route that I should know my way, walked in front.

She took the correct route (red arrow) home but I was confused by all the boxes that instead of turning left, I turned right (pink arrow). The floor layout looked so similar that I made a wrong turn and went up the wrong flight of stairs. And promptly lost my way.

My M, on reaching the 12th floor and turning around, did not see me, so she went back down, calling me name. I could hear her calling but I couldn't make out where the voice was coming from. I ran up and down the stairs so many times that I got utterly confused. Each floor looks exactly the same!

My M wasn't too worried that I would get out of the estate coz she knows the security guards know who I belong to. So no matter what happens, I will be in the estate. But she had to climb up and down both flight of stairs 2-3 times looking for me and calling my name. I did try to respond by whining but I don't think she heard me.

In the end, I found my way home, but it looked kinda different. And I think some guests arrived while we were gone too. So I went to my M's room to rest and as expected, I soon heard my M calling my name! I ran out of the door.... and got smacked.

Blur me.... I went to the wrong house. No wonder the furniture looked so different. No wonder 'my room' looks so different. No wonder we had 'strangers' in our house.

My M then brought me back to our real house, and I got a thorough scolding for not following her.. and landing up in other people's house.

(M: I was walking my 4th round up the stairs when I heard someone said 'Who's dog is that?'. I ran towards the person and asked her if she found a dog. She said a dog ran into their house (their door was opened), went straigt into what was supposedly 'my room' (coz the building layout is all the same), plonked himself down and refused to move. Luckily the kids were overjoyed at having a dog come to their house. It was so embarrassing. I apologised to the parents (who were quite nice about it) and smacked him. So that at least the neighbours know I discipline the dog. This is one of the stupidest things he had done. I wonder why he did not realise the look and 'smell' of the house is different, maybe something wrong with his nose.

Dognapped?

I was dognapped yesterday.

No.... not really. It's just that M's mum came over when no one was home and took me back to the old house. My MM came home during lunch and found me gone and told my M. But did they panic? No!

Gosh, I wonder if they really do love me. Their precious dog gone and they did not start a dog-hunt? Their conversation goes something like this:

MM: Herbie got kidnapped. He's not at home.
M: Is it? You took him to my mum's place ah?
MM: No.
M: Or you put him at viv's place?
MM: No. He's not around when I came back.
M: Oh... maybe my mum took him back.

And that's it! No fear, no panic, no nothing! Well, my M did call up to make sure I was indeed at the old house, but still...

And to add insult to injury, my MM actually joked to my M and said 'What a stupid thief. Did not steal anything expensive but stole a pig instead.'

For the last time, I may eat a lot, sleep a lot, but I am definitely NOT a PIG!

Of humps and humps.....

Well, with yesterday being a rainy evening, my friends came over to my place instead. And with no park to expand our energy (not that I have a lot anyway), we ended up playing at home.

For those who were worried about Scuba after his surgery, fret not, for he has fully recovered. And I have the evidence to prove it. He's back to his old ways, stuffing his face into other's mouth, chewing his paws and..... humping. Yes, humping, not one, but two dogs.

Here's us trying to have a face to face talk... too much face to face, in fact.

Scuba: Mummph humph phhstt hmpuh mmumph
Me: Phffft muppfft humhhh pshtttt


Scuba's mummy doesn't let him chew his paw, so I think he made a pact with Tommy.

You chew my paw, and I'll chew your ear, deal?


Humping me... and Tommy. See, his belly is no longer too tender for humping.

Scuba: Another deal Tommy, distract Herbie while I hump him!


You cannot escape!


Tommy: Get away from me, you pervert!


Even Rafv joined into the humping game.... and guess who was the victim? Me again! But I shall post that on another day. Aunty R has filmed Rafv red-pawed, and she will be sending the evidence to my M. So I shall write about that once I get my paws on the evidence.

The Almost Sashimi

The humans went for a sumptious Japanese dinner last night and we dogs got to tag along. They ordered so much food that the waitress had to write on the 2nd page of her notepad! I think there were chawamushi, sukiyaki, sashimi, and a lot of other food which we would need Aunty R to translate, but she was at home nursing a sprained back. Her sprained back reminded my M of the time she sprained her own while carrying me... oops.

Anyway, without Aunty R around to explain the dishes, the humans just ordered. The sashimi was a big plate but coz not everyone eats raw stuff, the humans almost could not finish it. I was hoping someone would say 'feed the left over to the dogs, BARF!' But alas, those greedy humans managed to stuff themselves. It's not often that there are fresh, unmarinated food on the dinner table that are suitable for us. They get sashimi, what do I get? Watermelon and pork meat. Urgh! Not that I rejected the food tho... but still... the thought of fresh fish...

I think later the humans were glad they did not feed us the sashimi. It came up to a whopping $180 just for that. Why is that whopping I do not know, after all, dogs don't deal with money.

I heard that Rafv went with his daddy and mummy to a high class japanese restaurant opened by Aunty R's friend. I'm sure Aunty R secretly fed him some sashimi. Uncle C was saying that one sushi there could cost $30 (again money!) coz the fish's air flown. I wonder... how does fish fly? Or were they eating flying fish?

Shucks, and I thought I could tell Rafv that I had sashimi like him too! Now he'll just snigger at us coz he's the only dog who has eaten jap food. I want my Sashimi!

(M: Ya... You'll get your sashimi... I'll go market and buy the cheap fish for you.

Yoghurt

Some may not know, but yoghurt are good for dogs. No, not those flavoured kinds, although I would very much like a flavoured yoghurt. I'm talking about plain yoghurt.

Me and my friends have been saved from a bad tummyache by yoghurt on many occasions. It helps to normalise the bacteria in our intestines because of the presence of living culture. So whenever my M thinks I'm starting to get soft stools, she'll give me yoghurt. But I think that Scuba has them everyday. Lucky him!

Well, my tummy's not been very well the last week or so, so my M bought a humongous tub of yoghurt. I so look forward to my 'ice cream' treat everyday.

Eye power!


See how sweetly I am smiling at my M? I'm also using my special powers to make her give me the yoghurt earlier, and stop taking my pictures.


Finally!


I think now I'm about halfway down the tub. If I can time it in such a way that I get soft stools once the tub is finished, my M may have to buy me another humongous tub... hiak hiak hiak....

Free Dinners

Ever since Scuba has been discharged, he has been put on a strict diet of porridge to that his tummy won't be overworked.

However, that would mean the mixed rice with meat and veges that was pre-cooked for his dinner would be put to waste, since he can't take solids right now. What? Food put to waste? That's a SIN! But never fear, Aunty V has been inviting me over to Scuba's house for the last two nights to help finish up his dinner.

Poor Scuba, I think he digest porridge very quickly, because he always seems hungry these few days. Kept following the humans around to the kitchen, which he seldom does. And last night, when I was eating his dinner, I can see him licking his lips from the corner of my eyes. Aunty V even told my M that Scuba woke her up in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen.

The funny thing is, all the humans thought Scuba has lost weight, but when they weighed him the other night, his weight remained the same. Where did all that mass go?

Anyway, don't worry Scuba. Your porridge diet will soon be over. If not, I can always help you with your food. Hiak hiak hiak...

Power Dogs

You know, we dogs have special powers, although we usually try not to use our powers unless in extreme emergency. For me, my talent is in my Eye Power. Unfortunately for me, my M's telepathic powers are limited. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I find that there are certain signals that she just cannot received.

Based on some statistics I have complied, I realised the following about my M:

- 100% can receive "I got a tummy ache!!" signal
- 40% can receive "please open the door for me" signal
- 20% can receive "Can I have some of what you're eating?" signal

I don't know why the most important signal is the weakest!! Not to mean that the tummy ache signal is not important.

Everytime I have a tummyache in the middle of the night, I will walk to my M's side of the bed and STARE at her, without making any noise, not even whining. I just concentrate on my stare, and she will just wake up. Sometimes she pretends that she's dreaming and just pat me on the head and turn over to sleep, then I will start whining to let her know that I have to go... NOW. Until now, my M wonders why she will wake up even when I'm not making any noise, but she did not know that I had been using my powers.

Unfortunately, I was unable to get the same effect for the 'Feed Me' signal. It doesn't always work on my M. but I find that it works very well on Aunty S, Aunty V and Aunty R. Seems that most of the Aunties have fallen for my charms. I guess I'll just have to work harder on my M.

Excuse me while I go meditate.


Look into my eyes...

Poor Scuba!

Aunty V just told my M this morning that Scuba is now in Hospital. Scuba has not been feeling well the last two days, vomiting the food he ate and no appetite. So this morning, Aunty V made an appointment for Scuba to see his favourite vet, Dr Tan.

Turned out that there is a piece of bone stuck in Scuba's intestines. Dr Tan said that they would try to push the bone into the stomach, and if that fails, Scuba will have to undergo surgery.

Aunty V thinks that silly Scuba might have swallowed the oxtail he was given as treats coz he's afraid that Chewie might snatch. Chewie is now recovering from his surgery at Aunty V's house, coz Aunty S is there during the day to take care of him. Silly Scuba most likely did not remember that Chewie is behind the play pen and can't snatch his oxtail.

So the latest news now is that Scuba just underwent surgery. Aunty V's house is gonna be like a Hospital soon with so many injured/ sick dogs. I hope no more of my friends fall sick.

Get well soon Scuba!

Of Walks and Photography

My M likes to take photographs, but that doesn't mean she's any good at it. However, she always makes it a point to bring me along if possible. So far I've been to the Botanical Gardens with her to take the plants, to Changi to take the Sunrise (that was a torture! waking up even before the sun!), to Labrador Park to take the sunset, to Sentosa to take the beach, to Marina Promenade to take the bridge, to City Hall to take the esplanade and the merlion, to Benjamin Sheares Bridge to take the cityline.

The outings always started with me being very enthusiastic, but after a while it gets boring... for me at least.

Yesterday, I was brought to Bishan Park coz my M is meeting some of her friends to take pictures. I was initially a happy dog, looking forward to a nice, short walk and the nice weather.

Ahh.... the gentle breeze...


Imagining the frolicking in the grass that I would be doing...

Back scratch!


But instead, I was stuck waiting for my M while she takes stupid pictures of... insects....

Dragonfly... Who keeps flying off as she goes near.


and flowers....

At least these don'y fly away





I was bored to tears! Maybe the outing would be better for both of us if my M were to let me roam around the park while she takes her photos, and we can meet at, say, 11am at the bridge to go home. If only I can convince her that I won't get lost...

Are we done? Can we go home now? *yawn*

I passed!

My probation... I passed! Thanks to my strong will power, I controlled the urge to frantically scratch my head! So now I'm back to wearing a t-shirt, coz my M can't trust me enough not to chew my body yet.

Speaking of lampshades, my M and MM has been VERY bad to me the last few days, playing mind games with me. I know that whenever they are dressed up for work, it will be time to don the lampshade. So I've been trying to hide whenever they are dressing. But, a big dog like me has no place to hide! Some days my M will run after me with a gleeful smile on her face and the lampshade in her hand while I cower in the corner.

Some days they make me think that I don't have to wear the lampshade by saying their goodbyes and opening the door to leave the house. Just as I was heaving a hugh sigh of relief, they run back and pounce onto poor, unsuspecting me with the lampshade.

Sometimes both leave the house, and there I was, counting my lucky stars and getting comfy when my MM will come back 20 minutes later (after sending my M to work). Afterwhich the lampshade appears again when he's leaving for work.

This is absolute mental torture! And bad for my heart!

Can someone help get them an appointment with the psychologists? I think they need their heads checked. I tried calling but the receptionist couldn't understand my whines.

Probation

I am now on probation. Free from the dreaded lampshade at last and back to my t-shirt. My M thought I was really pitiful the last few days, so put me on a 1 day probation. If I scratch my head again, the lampshade goes back on til the weekend.

*crossing paws*

I MUST CONTROL MY PAWS!

The need for Plan C

Well, I thought my Plan B was working pretty well in keeping the lampshade away, but my itchy paws just have to scratch my head. So now my head has a wound, and the wound is making me itch more, so I scratch it again, and there's another wound, and so on and so forth, and so out comes the lampshade again.

Since the t-shirt obviously cannot cover my head, I'll have to wear the lampshade.... again!

Headless Dog


And my original plan of drooling until my chin is wet won't work anymore. Coz they now put a towel under the lampshade. Look at me! I look so stupid with that lampshade and towel, what an embarressment!

dog bib


From now on, I have to remind myself not to scratch so much. When can I remove the lampshade?

Nicknames

In response to Joey's post about cutesy names, I would like to correct the misconception that I only have cute nicknames.

I have other unglam nicknames too, which my M likes to bestow on me, whenever the situation is appropriate.

Let's start on the cute ones, besides 'E-ba-dy', she also calls me :
1) herbie-baby (totally acceptable)
2) herbie-oh (no meaning, but it's ok)
3) herbie-bie-bie-bie (like an echo of my last syllable)

some neutral names:
1) herbie-vore (as opposed to, carnivore, coz I eat veggies as well)

then comes the not so good ones :
1) stupid dog
2) diarrhoea dog
3) smelly butt (when I got poo stuck to my butt fur)
4) ugly butt/ head (depending on which part of my body is the hotspot on)
5) crumpled face (when I wake up and my muzzle is sort of crooked from sleeping)
6) greedy pig
7) oi dog

You can see that the bad names outweigh the good ones.

Oh, and my M and Aunty G once gave me a chinese name too. I am Tan Shi Man. It started with Aunty G saying that slow is my middle name, but my M said Food should be my middle name instead. So, it's Tan Food Slow, with Tan being my M's surname, Food = Shi, and Man = slow.

You know, there's a pretty HK actress called She Shi Man. I know, the pronunciation is a bit differenct, but at least the spelling is the same! :P

Tommy's Nose

I'm getting worried about Tommy's nose. I already suspected his sense if smell is a bit koyak when he went after me wrongly during the fight. And just a few days before, he landed on his nose when he jumped off the table (ouch!). I think he lost his footing. Now the skin around his nose is a bit raw.

And to add to the injury, yesterday when the uncles were playing ball in the field, my M kicked the ball and it accidently hit Tommy on.... guess where... the NOSE again! I wonder if he will get his sense of smell back.

Dog Fight

I got into a fight yesterday.

And I sort of started it.

But Aunty G says it's not my fault.

Like I've said previously, the only time I get into fights is to protect my food, or if strange, big, male dogs hump me. Yesterday a GR came to the park, I don't think I have seen him before but Uncle Henry says that dog comes very rarely.

Well, that GR kept trying to hump me. I was like 'Excuse me, I don't know you, we're not friends, get off my back.' Apparently both the dog and the owner do not understand what I meant. My M told the owner that I don't like being humped by strange male dogs, but I don't know if the comment registered in her mind.

Anyway, I was getting quite pissed, and when the owner tried pushed a stick behind me (apparently to keep me and her dog away), I freaked out. I mean, her dog humping me, and the owner with a stick brushing the back of my head. I turned around and growled. All these happened so fast, and it was only a few seconds before that my M warned her that I don't seem happy.

Of course the other GR did not like being growled at so we fought. The GR's owner and daughter were so stunned that they just stood there, while my M and the other uncles tried to separate the fight. My M even shouted to the owner to "Grab your dog!". Luckily my M managed to grab the GR, while Uncle J held on to me.

Unluckily, my MM, who was on the other side of the fence, in his hurry to run out to stop the fight, forgot that Tommy was with him. Tommy dashed out of the opened gate and went straight for the GR just as we were separated. However, all the humans shouted at him 'No Tommy!'. Maybe Tommy thought that the 'No' means he got the wrong dog, so that blur sotong turned around and tried to bite me instead. Luckily, Uncle M grabbed him before any more damage was done.

Tommy, you are such a blur sotong! How could you have mistaken me for the enemy! Ya, we're both brown and GRs.... but still, you could have recognised my scent right? Do you need to get your nose checked?

Anyway, after all the hoo ha, none of the dogs were injured, but poor Aunty G got a bruised thumb from Tommy. She said that Tommy did not really mean to bite in the fight, coz he controlled his bite. If he had not, she would be bleeding and not bruised.

But... an even poorer Uncle J got bitten. There were 2 extra holes on his hand, and he was bleeding. I don't think I was the one who bit him. The Uncles and Auntys asked if he knew who bit him, and Uncle J deduced that it could be the other dog. Coz he was holding on to the scruff of my neck, I could not be able to reach behind and bite his hand, and Tommy only joined the fight later. Poor Uncle J, and to think he just got bitten by Chewie on Tuesday. Chewie, after his operation, was feeling anxious and disoriented, so he bit Uncle J when Uncle J tried to push him back into the cage at the Hospital. Poor Uncle J, to be bitten twice in a week.

The other owner seems to think it's my fault for starting the fight but luckily Aunty G came to my defence and said it's because her dog humped me first, which is a show of dominance which a lot of dogs do not like. That owner did not think her dog was humping me, she thought it was trying to play so Aunty G and my M corrected her misconception. I think the owner thinks that we're 'bullying' her dog since she's new, but that's not the case. Everyone could see that her dog was dominant, and she was not able to control it well.

Luckily, the other Aunties told my M not to scold me for the fight since it was not my fault. Uncle M even commented that I am getting braver because I'm starting to stand up for my rights.

I hope there will be no more fights. It seems that everytime there is a dog fight, the humans get injured instead. Maybe they should start wearing body armour to the park.

Yawn... where's the sun?

Someone tell me, why do I have to suffer when it's not my problem at all? I don't know why my M has been bringing me to my morning toilet break at the unearthly hour of 6:30am today (and monday too). I don't mind the toilet break, or the walk to the park, but I definitely MIND the jog that goes with it.

My M has been complaining that she has not gone to the gym for some time and is starting to slack in the exercise department. I think it's more likely she's starting to sag at the tummy department. All the Christmas and New Year goodies HAVE to go somewhere right? But, that's not MY problem. Why make me jog with her in the morning? I hate jogging! I'm not the one putting on weight here, in fact, I lost 2kg over the past months.

Speaking of me losing weight, my M suspects that her parents had been secretly feeding me more than I deserve when we were staying with them and now her suspicions are confirmed. I'm only supposed to have breakfast and dinner, and not much snacks in between. But after I moved to the new house, I lost weight even tho my diet 'supposedly' remained the same. So therefore, the extra kilos must be due to the extra biscuits that my M's parents had been sneaking me while she was at work.

But that is besides the point. The point is, I'm already a svelte 23kg. I can't lose anymore weight or I'll look anorexic! Unless.... my M pumps up my food supply, then I won't mind the extra exercise. Hiak hiak hiak...

(M: Fat hope.... GRs aren't supposed to get too fat anyway, bad for your hips. ANyway, it wasn't that much of a work out. Only 20 min of walk/jog. And I'm already a slow jogger, but that dog actually LAGS behind me! Talk about being slow. *roll eyes* )


Yawn... I need my beauty sleep

Get well soon Chewie

I heard from my M that Chewie is now in Hospital. He's got a fractured leg and just underwent an operation today. I heard from the aunties and uncles that he will need to recuperate for at least a month. He'll be isolated and not allowed to move much so that his bone can heal.

Get well soon Chewie! I'll even let you hump me when you're well!