Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Cirque Du Soleil

I decided that with the constant harrassment by my M and her family and her friends, I better start thinking of my future. I can't always threaten to run away to stay with Scuba, coz they will certainly find me there. Plus Uncle C is not much better.

Then, I suddenly had a brillant idea! I shall run away to join the circus! I'll get to travel all over the world and they will never, ever find me! MuahahAHAHA

There is only one problem. I don't know any 'circusy' tricks. I don't think sit, down, stay or heel count as circus stuff. Any Milo, Brownie or Coco can do such easy peasy stuff. I need something else! I decided to engage the help of professional circus trainer to help me in my quest. I will master the art of sitting on a wooden stool! Stop laughing! This is not easy ok, especially when you're big dog with 4 legs and a big butt plus a long tail.

And this, my young Jedi, is how you teach an old dog new tricks

Ohhh.... I did not expect it to be so high up here. And I think half of my butt's sticking out of the chair. And it's not comfortable at all sitting on your own tail. But at least I am balancing, precariously, on the wooden stool. Ok, now I have to smile for the audience... it's not easy to smile when I'm quavering on my paws. *forced grin*


Finally, with much determination, I passed through the course. I even managed to do a handshake while perched on the stool.

Congratulations, you've succesfully graduated.

Yipee!! Now that I am a successful stool performer (somehow this term sounds kinda funny, and distractingly like some anal activity... hmm...) I can join the circus! Wait, what do you mean that circus now don't use animal performers anymore? And what's this about quarantine laws? Darn! Does that mean I can't join the circus anymore?

I wonder if the zoo needs any stool performing dog.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Mr Congeniality

I don't know why Aunty G and Aunty W keep saying that I start fights. Since when do I start fight? The few rare occasions where I have been involved in a fight was because the other dog was humping me. The only times I get into fights are when:

  • I am eating and another dog comes too close. Small treats are fine but don't come near me when I'm having dinner, or bones, or food that requires time to chew. I'll assume you're here to snatch my food and I would KILL to protect my food.
  • When unknown, large, male dogs hump me. Excuse me, if it's the 1st or 2nd time I'm seeing you, don't hump me. We're not that good friends yet. Of couse, I don't mind if you're my friends, or female, or smaller sized. In fact, I quite like it when my friends do that, it's like a bum rub.

See? All my fights started because of self defence, or to protect my property. I NEVER start fights. But Aunty G and Aunty W insists that I am the cause of fights. Apparently, I have caused 2 separate fights because the dogs were both trying to play with me. So now the owners have to make sure the dogs play with me individually and not together. And now one of the fighting pairs have become arch enemies because of me. They can't stand each other's sight and has to be separated all the time.

Sigh... I can't help it that I'm popular, and everyone wants to play with me. If they can learn to share, we'll all have a smashing good time together.

Angels don't fight

Thursday, November 24, 2005

All I want for Christmas is...

I don't think I'm gonna enjoy this Christmas very much.

Last Christmas was fantastic, everyone gave me food as Christmas presents, since I don't like toys, and there's not much nice clothes for big dogs like me. Since I'm such a foodie, I got lots and lots of treats!

But I overheard last night, Aunty G was telling my M that she's not getting treats for me. She's got something else planned. And I think Aunty V's getting me clothes. And Aunty W mentioned buying a bowl or something! Is there no one getting me food??? Is there a gift exchange service anywhere around here?

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Funny things on head - Part Trois

I know it is christmas soon and all, but why am I the only one suffering during this festive occasion? First there was the
milk maid look, followed by the stupid reindeer look, and now, I've become a tree!

Can't u guys tell the difference between a dog and a tree?

We were at MM's parent's home and they were putting up the decorations on the tree, when my sadistic M decided to put the deco on me. The rest soon joined in, adding a few balls here, a candy there, and a star too! The indignity I have to go thru with this family! I have half a mind to pack my bags and run away from home. Maybe I'll go stay with Scuba. At least they don't make me wear stupid things... with the exception of Uncle C. He's scary I tell you. There was once he posed with Lolo, who was on a stick on top of the bbq pit, pretending to bbq her.

Why do I always have stupid things on my head?

To add to the insult, they went to take the camera and starting taking pictures of me! Why am I not surprised? Nowadays they keep taking photos of me not at my best. Sigh... I dread to think about Chinese New Year decorations. I wonder what will I end up as...

If I stay real still and pretend to be dead, will they take these off?

Monday, November 21, 2005

ohh.... where has everyone gone?

I'm having a bad tummyache and no one's home! Who's gonna bring me to the toilet? And there's no newspapers on the floor! Ohh... bad, bad tummy.... Must have eaten too much treats last night. I can't help it, the neighbour's kid was running around with the treat bag, I just HAVE to follow him and get my treats.

And I had more treats this morning too.... my M put it in the
ball and I spent half the morning rolling it around.

Oh dear, I don't think I can hold it in anymore! Is ANYone gonna come home soon? Arghh! Find a clean spot, find a clean spot! Nope, can't do it on the carpet, they'll kill me. Can't do it in the bedroom too! Where? WHERE? WHERE!!??


I hope the living room will be an acceptable place....

(M: We came home to a splattered pile of poo, spreading into a radius of about 60cm, picasso painting on the wall, 2 puddles of unknown greenish fluid. No, the dog did not get killed. It was not his fault as he usually could hold his bowels well, and we did not expect him to have tummyache so we did not put papers for him. But cleaning up the house was a torture. At least he looked sorry about it. MM was saying Herbie was whining as soon as he got home. We decided not to post photos of the crime scene as we understand you guys still want to keep your food in.)

It was an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny...

red polka dotted ball... that Aunty G lent my M. She said Jack and Joey loves it. I wonder what it is... doesn't seem interesting. I've got no inclination towards balls (with the exception of the odd tennis balls, so I wonder why my M got it for me.

What's this? Is it edible?

It turned out to be a treat ball! There were dried meat in there (courtesy of Aunty G) but it's not easy to take the food out. There's a little hole at the top of the ball, and the size of the hole can be adjusted. I'm supposed to roll the ball around so that food will drop out of the hole. This is hard work I tell you... gotta keep pushing with my nose, and sometimes the ball gets stuck under the chairs. No worries there, with my eye power, I could make my M go and roll the ball back out for me.

I think from now on, no more easy breakfast for me. I think I heard my M says I'm gonna have to work for my food from now on. Who has the number to the Ministry of Manpower?

Can't they make the hole bigger?

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I see the light...

... or rather, many flashes of light. My M just bought some stuff and was busy setting them up over the weekend. She was putting up poles and umbrellas and carrying the coffee table into the empty room. I wondered what she was doing, even taking out my blanket (with compliments from SIA) and using it to cover that coffee table. Are we so poor now that we have to use my blanket as a table cloth?

I began to see a bit of the light, when she carried me up on the table. I don't like being on the table, it's not very comfortable and I can't stretch out fully. And suddenly, there was lightning! Right in the room!

Wazzat? Lightning?

Oh, it turned out to be the flash. My M is trying out her new studio lights and I'm the guinea pig. She even made me wear a stupid reindeer antler and beard (Aunty G was asking since when do reindeers have beard? I don't know, I've never seen a reindeer before, are they edible?)

My M says she's gonna send out my pictures for christmas. This is embarrassing... why do they always make me wear funny things?

Can I take this off now?

I don't think this is the last that I will see of the studio. My M was even planning on getting more 'props. Think she's going to go around borrowing some more balls and toys and cloths to torture me.

woe is me...

Nevermind, I take consolation in the fact that after me, she will start grabbing my friends to be guinea pigs.... I wonder how Rafv will look like in reindeer outfit...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Plan B

Well, I mentioned that I will explain what, and how my Plan B worked. As it was, I was lying at home with the lampshade, conceptualising Plan B, when a light bulb popped over my head.


Remembered that I've said before that drool will collect on the lampshade and let me have a wet chin? Well, that day, I decided to just let my saliva flow freely, so I ended up with a really damp chin, and I kept rubbing my neck on the lampshade so that the skin would appear reddish.

My M saw the extra wet chin that evening, and on inspection, saw the red skin and she was worried that I might end up with a new hotspot on my neck. So now she is in a dilemma. Shall she continue to let me wear the lampshade so that I will not lick the hotspot near my butt, but risk me getting a new one on my neck, or shall she remove the lampshade and risk me licking my butt? She is truly caught between the rock and a hard place!

At Aunty G's suggestion, she decided to let me wear a tee. Aunty G guessed that being so lazy, I would not want to flip up the tee to lick. Well, she is quite right on that score... it's not easy to stuff my muzzle under the tee, takes an acrobat to do that, I tell you!

Anyway, here's my new look, wearing my MM's old polo tee. Don't I look smart? Now, if only I can convince them to give me a tie instead of a leash....

Ahhh..... saved from the lampshade...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

AVA Responsible Pet Ownership Roadshow

My M found out that there's gonna be a Responsible Pet Ownership Roadshow at Ngee Ann City by AVA.

I wonder if I will get to go. It's been a loooong time since I went to Orchard Road, the last time being the Breast Cancer Charity Walk. The theme is "Sterilise Your Pets". Luckily I'm already sterilised, so I will fit into the theme very well. :)

AVA Poster

For those who can't see the poster, it's from 26-27 Nov, 10am to 10pm at Ngee Ann City Civic Plaza

Who's that Girl?

I hate Rafv.
And his mummy.
And his daddy
And Aunty G.
And my M.
And all those who laughed.

Look what they did to me!!! Such indignity!

Milk Maid

Let me repeat:

I hate Rafv.... for putting up that pic in his blog
And his mummy.... for having a camera and taking that pic
And his daddy.... for providing that stupid looking basket with flowers
And Aunty G.... for putting on Joey's t-shirt on my head and making me look like a granny
And my M.... for letting them do it to me

And to the rest of you.... STOP LAUGHING!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

It worked!!!

My Plan B worked!!! But I can't talk about it yet coz my M is busy upgrading my blog. See the whole new look?

She knows nuts about html and is now cross eyed from reading the codes. And she's complaining that the internet is moving at slower than a snail's pace. She says I can only continue to write after she's done.

But I don't care! I'm happy! I'm FREE!! The lampshade's off!! And I'll tell u why later!

(Born) Free.... as free as the wind blows...
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Monday, November 14, 2005

Scuba's House

Oh I jus LURVEEEEE to go to Scuba's house. There's always food to eat and dogs to play with. At Scuba's invitation, my M brought me over on Saturday. As soon as I stepped in, I was greeted by Rafv and Scuba. Then Aunty S took me to the kitchen and gave me a rawhide. I lurveeeee Aunty S too!


We played and rested, played and rested, and later Uncle C and Aunty R (Rafv's daddy and mummy) came to bring us to the dog run. Most importantly, they fed me again before we left! Aunty R gave some dog treats and Uncle C shared with me his cheese. After park, we went back to Scuba's house and Aunty S fed us dinner.

Unfortunately, when my M came to pick me up, Aunty S told her I already had dinner. Darn! And I thought I could have 2 dinners in one night!

It was a fun day for me. When can I visit Scuba again?

Sunday, November 13, 2005


What a lazy Sunday afternoon.... I can't even keep my eyes open..

It's so nice sleeping on the carpet, with the air-con gently ruffling my fur...

Huh? blog more? That will have to wait... until after my nap...

Had a great time yesterday at Scuba's house. Will tell more later... *yawn*... maybe Scuba or Rafv will have something to say.... in the mean time, I'm gonna.... *snore.......*


Saturday, November 12, 2005

Ready..... Camera.... and Action!

Remember I said I had to brush up on my sad look the other day? So that hopefully my M will feel sorry for me and not put the lampshade on? Well, after a whole day of lying there planning (what else can a dog do in the house with a lampshade around the neck?), I thought I had perfected 'The Look'. I even had a strategy!

Step 1 : Hide Under the Table
A dog cornered always has this look of desperation, so that is the effect I am going for. And the best corner in the house for this, is under the table!

Step 2: Look really, really sad

To achieve this look, I thought of the saddest thing that could happen to me. I imagined what would happen if I have no dinner tonight, or tomorrow night, or the night after, and after, and after.... and I was so sad I almost cried!

After my brilliant planning, I put it into action yesterday morning.

Step 1

Here's a closer look:

See? I am surrounded by 2 walls, there is a table on top, pushing my head down, and I even managed to get the chair in front of me. I am truly cornered!

ok.... up to this stage my M is still holding the lampshade... but wait! She's putting it down! Can see plan is working! Yippee!

hmm.... she's taking a camera now.... and just took 2 shots! Nevermind, now for Act 2, looking really sad.

Step 2

It's not easy getting myself preped up for the role with the camera flashing, but I managed to pull it off! Look at sad, sad me. And the lampshade is still on the floor! So far so good...

Oh wait, she's keeping the camera! And taking the lampshade again, and walking towards me!!!! Oh &*#$^@()!!!!!

And she even has time to grab another photo!

I think I have to start on Plan B......

Friday, November 11, 2005


Why is it that everyone thinks that I am a retriever and therefore I should love swimming?

I hate swimming! Unless forced into the water (usually dragged in by my M, and recently, Aunty S), I would not even want to go near. I will even walk AROUND puddles of water. Mess up my fur, those water.

Look of desperation

And my M is a sadist! She will hold on to my leash in the water so that no matter how hard I swim, I can never reach the shore! (M: I'm holding on to your leash so that I don't have to carry you back into the water everytime u reach the shore, and thus prevent my poor back from breaking. )

Finally! Shore! See my look of relief?

My M brings me to Sentosa about once a month for the dog outing. Although I don't like the swimming, I LOVE running in the sand, and of course begging for food afterwards. I have perfected the begging look and most of those humans can't resist feeding me.

My M loves this picture of me running

So the next time you see me at the beach, do not expect me to go swimming. The furthest I will voluntarily go in the water is chest deep, and that is only when my friends are in the water and I want to play. Don't expect more than that for me.

I love my silhouette... but I still hate swimming

And for the record, besides swimming, I don't really like to retrieve as well. I will only do the randon tennis ball retrieve (only tennis ball, other toys, no) if I'm feeling up to it.

So I'm a non-swimming, non-retrieving dog. And in case you're wondering, the last I checked in the mirror, I'm still a Golden Retriever.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Rain Rain Go Away

It's been raining for the last 2 days and I can't go to the dog run to play coz of the rain. The days always start out looking promising... bright sunny day... until the mid-afternoon... and then it starts to turn grey in the late afternoon. By the time my M and MM - Master also starts with M, so I'll just add another M to it, aren't I a genius to think of that? :)... anyway, I digress... As I was saying, by the time my M and MM comes home, the rain has started. And then I miss park! Arghh!!

Luckily for me, Tommy, Jack and Joey came over to our house today to play. Erm... effectively only Tommy played with me. Joey was busy guarding the bone and Jack.. suffice to say that Jack does not play in public.

Tommy and I were having fun wrestling in the studyroom until my M shooed us out into the living room coz our fur were flying all over the carpet and she's worried about getting a heart attack trying to vacummn our fur out from the carpet. It was also getting a bit crowded in the studyroom with 3 humans and 4 dogs.

I hope tomorrow will be a sunny day.

Think happy thoughts!

Day 3 of the dreaded e-collar.

No amount of pitiful looks from me could make them change their minds... I was still sitting there with my big watery eyes when they closed the door on me and left for work... without even a backward glance. I think I shall have to brush up on my sad scenes.

Attempting the pitiful look... My M likes photography, so I get lots of nice photos. You can check out her gallery at the link on the right.

In the meantime, will try to think of happy thoughts! X'mas is coming soon! This year the party will be at my new home. My M just got married in September and we've just moved to our new place, which is right opposite the park! Now I get to go to the dog run more often to see my friends! Yipee!!

Where was I... oh ya... X'mas. I'm expecting lots of foodie presents this x'mas, coz everyone knows I love to eat. My M is worried that I'll put on weight. She pulled her back muscle last week after carrying me up the car and had to see a doc. It's not that I did not want to jump up G's car, it's just that there's a hammock thingy blocking my way. (M: it's a car seat protector, and u need to lose some weight! I couldn't stand straight for 2 days!) Oops! I should have kept my muzzle shut about that incident... but in defence, Jack's in the car as well, and I swear, he was gonna growl at me anytime! No way am I jumping up that car voluntarily!

Anyway. now I am counting down the minutes when they will come home and relief me of my misery.... I hope that I won't have to wear the lampshade tomorrow but at the rate my hotspot is drying up, I don't think so...

signing off with a sad look...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


A short introduction to the friends I meet regularly, in random order:


Breed: GR
Loves: frisbees, toys, swimming
Dislikes: Domineering dogs, Rafv (sniggers)
Afraid of: Rain (scaredy cat! hiak hiak), cautious about Jack (*roll eyes* who isn't? I'm scared of that little bugger myself!)
Characteristic: Impulsive Young Man


Breed: Jack Russell Terrier
Loves: food, soft surfaces (bet his old bones can't take hard floors, sniggers)
Dislikes: Other dogs coming too near... he's the Boss man!
Afraid of: CATS! (Finally something that can put him down a peg or two), being abandoned by his owner
Characteristic: Grouchy Old Man


Breed: Parson Russell Terrier
Loves: chewing, food, chasing cats
Characteristic: Jumpy Young Boy


Breed: Jack Russell Terrier
Loves: balls, balls, balls, especially small, red spikey ones
Characteristics: Ball Chasing Freak


Breed: Mini Bull Terrier
Loves: kissing, raw hides
Characteristics: Lean, mean, lovin' machine


Breed: Siberian Husky
Loves: Cat toys (Meow!), plotting and scheming
Dislikes: Schnauzers, domineering dogs, Tommy (sniggers)
Afraid of: Being left alone at home, ghosts
Characteristics: Tough on the outside, kittycat on the inside

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Or Elizabeth Collar.... how I hate that thing! My M calls it the lampshade. I can't eat, I can't drink and I can't even see properly with that darn thing around my neck. Worse thing is, my drool collects on the plastic and I end up with a wet chin.

I run and hide everytime I see the lampshade coming, but there's not enough hiding places in the house for a big dog like me! Whoever invented that accursed lampshade shall be cursed to live in one for the next 100 years!

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Why blog?

At the suggestion of my owner's friend (she doesn't relish being called mummy... sounds old she says, so I shall just call her M, for Mistress), she decided to start a blog for me. I have not decided whether to let her 'guest write' once in a while. I'm afraid she will influence others not to feed me so much. Let me chew on that thought a while before I decide....

Anyway, here you will find the more exciting (even more exciting than food? nah....) days of my life as a very boring, single dog. And pictures that my M felt was not 'good' enough for her photo webbie, which has more photos of me looking handsome.

Today did not start out well at all! Oh, it started out well enough, got my usual breakfast of a slice wholemeal bread plus an extra dog biscuit (yipee!). Then after that, my M applied sulfodene on my hotspot. She suspects the hotspot was coz I did not dry properly after the Sentosa swim. We only got home at 10+, which is a good 4 hours after my forced swim. So after that day, I have been chewing and licking my back coz of the &*^#!(# itch. So far, so good.... then out came the dreadful lampshade! No decent dog would be caught with a lampshade on!

She says she might try to take a picture of me in a lampshade.... woe be me....