Thoughts...

I guess this will be the last time I use this name to log in and post here. Gone will be the cynical wise old man who has the audacity to make snide remarks about his human.

Herbie was rejecting food the last 2 days, and I was planning to bring him to the vet this morning. Unfortunately, he left in the middle of the night. My husband said that Herbie was already gone when he went to the kitchen at about 1:30am, and he struggled with the decision whether to wake me up to tell me. In the end he decided against it, because it's the middle of the night, we might not get any pet cremation services and I'll be crying the whole night instead.

Because of the plan to visit the vet, we took him home from Scuba's place last night. I had to carry him down the stairs because he was too weak to walk much. G had suggested that we take him to the vet last night, but as it was already 9pm, I thought I could wait til morning.

I guess Herbie wanted to pass on in his own house. That's why he left a few hours after he reached home. He didn't sleep in our room, because of the aircon. When I left him last night, he was in our study room. But he came to our door and lied down and left. I guess that's the closest he could get to us. I'm sorry that I wasn't with him in his last hours. He was lying on his side, and it almost seemed that he's just sleeping, but without the noisy breathing.

Herbie is the best dog that one can have. He's patient, virtually without temper, quiet and non-imposing. He's also the easiest to feed, when he was healthy. I will miss his ultimate begging look. He's the only dog I personally know who will plonk his head on your lap to beg.



I will miss him sleeping in his favourite spot in the room. I will miss him trying to squeeze his way in while begging. I'll miss giving him his butt rubs and scratching his itchy spot. I'll miss dragging him out to sea. I'll miss bullying him and putting things on his head. I will miss him lying in his roast pig position. I will miss him running into the kitchen once he hears food. I'll miss how he likes to plonk himself down in the middle of the room or passageway, blocking everyone else. I'll miss how he tries to go table by table begging at restaurents or gatherings.

Helios seems totally oblivious to what's going on. Guess he's still young.

I'm sorta holding on well, sometimes I feel that I'm ok, then some things will trigger the memories and I'll start crying. I've been crying so much that I'm getting a headache.

Of course I console myself that at least he died at home. At least he only suffered the last 2 days. Previous weeks he was still able to eat a little. At least I don't have to make the difficult decision whether to put him to sleep if he's suffering. At least he's got a few good years with me.

There are things which I have not done. I bought a new collar with his name sewn on it, but never got around to letting him wear it, because I've always thought there'll be a 'next time'. He didn't even get to wear that collar once.

It seems so cold when the pet cremation people came and slip him into a black bag and tied it up. It seems undignified to be carried away in a black bag, but I guess for dogs here there's not much of a choice. He'll be cremated within 24 hours, and we'll be collecting his ashes. I'll place it in a corner near the dining table. I guess there's the place he likes to hang out the most.

Life has to go on, I still have Helios to take care of. I guess it helps where there's another dog and you have routines to follow.

Thanks for friends who came to visit, and to see him for the last time. And my mum who came down and said prayers for him.

Bye Herbie. Be a good boy. I love you.