Bored in Heaven

You know, being up in Heaven can be pretty boring at times. So when I keep getting junk/spam/scam mails in my inbox, I decided to play along with one of them.

This is the original mail:

CHEVRON OIL/PETROLUEM 2008
Head Office
8,Macarthy Street,
P.M.B Box 166Abuja, Nigeria.

This is to inform you that you have won a prizemoney of SevenHundred Thousand United States Dollars, ($700,000.00)for this year 2008 Lottery promotion which is organized byCHEVRON OIL/PETROLUEM NIGERIA 2008.

Batch number....................CT 091026XN
Reff number......................CT 095447XN
Winning number...............CT 097886XN

You are to contact him with this details below:NAME,ADDRESS,COUNTRY,SEX,AGE,OCCUPATION,PHONE NUMBER.

CONTACT FINANCE DEPARTMENT)
Name:bright mike
E-mail:mrbrightmike@hotmail.com
Tel:+2348058913385
Yours faithfully,Mr.John Obaseki.
(Chevron Oil Petroluem Bonanza/Lottery Coordinator).


Then I replied:

Did I really win???

Here's my details:

Name: Herbie T
Address: XXX (I put in my old address which has since been torn down)
Country: Singapore
Sex: M
Age: 8 yrs
Occupation: None
Phone: I can't use the phone.


And they replied! To an 8 year old!

CHEVRON OIL/PETROLUEM 2008 Head Office 8,Macarthy Street, P.M.B Box 166 Abuja, Nigeria.
DEAR BENEFICIARY,"Herbi T"

CONGRATULATIONS. A CHEQUE HAS BEEN ISSUED IN YOUR NAME, AND THE CHEVRON HAS CONCLUDED THE PROCESSING OF ALL DOCUMENT THAT WILL FACILITATE THE CLEARANCE OF YOU CHEQUE IN YOUR BANK.KINDLY UNDERSTAND THAT THIS COUNTRY IS NOT ABLE TO CARRY OUT AN INTERNATIONAL TRANSFER OR MASTER CARD TRANSFER.THIS DOCUMENT WILL IMMEDIATELY BE SENT TO YOU VIA COURIER DELIVERY.THESE DOCUMENT INCLUDE.

1. CHEQUE VALUED THE SUM OF WINNINGS IN USD
2. CERTIFICATE FROM THE CHEVRON HEADQUARTER.3. CLEAR SOURCE OF FUNDS CERTIFICATES(C.S.F.C.)4. ANTI-TERRORISM CERTIFICATES(A.T.C)5. CERTIFICATES OF ORIGIN OF FUNDS(C.O.F.)6.BENEFICIARY PAYMENT FORM(KINDLY NOTE THAT THIS IS THE FORM THAT STATES THE BENEFICIARIES NAME THAT WILL RECEIVE THE CHEQUE.)7.LETTER OF AFFIDAVITS FROM THE NIGERIAN HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE, STATING THAT THE DONATION WAS RECEIVED LEGALLY FROM THE CHEVRON TEXACO OIL AND GAS COMPANY PROGRAMME, AND DUELY SIGNED BY THE LEGAL ATTORNEY TO THE CHEVRON .

THESE DOCUMENTS HAVE BEEN SECURELY SEALED AND PACKETED DUE TO SECURITY REASON, WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO VIEW IT UNTIL DELIVERED TO YOU.

TO BEGIN THE FINAL PROCESS OF CLAIMING YOUR WINNINGS, WHICH IS SHIPPING OF YOUR WINNINGS CHEQUE TO YOU, YOU ARE HEREBY PRODUCED WITH THREE OPTIONS PRODUCED BELOW. THIS OPTION YOU ARE TO CHOOSE THE ONE MOST CONVENIENT TO YOU.

THE OPTIONS, TOGETHER WITH THEIR ASSOCIATED CONDITIONS ARE PRESENTED BELOW. YOU ARE REQUIRED TO PAY ALL THE NECESSARY COURIER CHARGES TO ENABLE THE SHIPMENT OF YOUR CHEQUE AND AND OTHER CLAIM DOCUMENT TO YOU.

OPTIONS:
DHL
Transfer Charges............$ 120Vat.................................$ 40
Total..............................$160

UPS
Transfer Charges............$ 155Vat.................................$ 50
Total..............................$205

FedEX
Transfer Charges............$ 180Vat.................................$ 80
Total..............................$260


Do note, That your check has been signed and parcelled ready for delivery, therefore any thought regarding deduction of charges from your winning is ruled out.

Kindly be informed that Under the enabling act of parliament, diplomatic courier delivery has to be insured by the Nigerian insurance ministry before been dispatched by courier delivery.

This company declined reverse payment for these charges, stating that it is against their professional policy towards ensuring the safe delivery of the cheque to you. That if a reverse payment is made, and something goes wrong, that we/you cannot sue the courier company or insurance company to recover the full value of the fund as stipulated in the cheque since payment for insurance cover was not made at point of mailing.With the above reason, reverse payment is ruled out. which makes it absolutely necessary to produce the courier fee before courier can dispatch delivery.
ONCE AGAIN CONGRATULATIONS.

Mr. BRIGHT MIKE.
+2348058913385


For a 'Bright' Mike, he isn't very bright. So I replied again:

But I do not have a credit card or bank account. How do I make payment? Or I could ask one of my friends, maggie or mitch or Ms Sunshade to do an aire-mail?

I wanted to ask them if they accept drumsticks for payment but I don't think they'd appreciate my joke.

I think they're beginning to figure out something's not right... And now there's this James Eric signing off. ANd I think when they copied and paste the standard response, they forgot to delete this James Taylor's name. I hope poor James Taylor didn't get conned.

dear sir
If you think these is a joke then better stop mailing us well incase you are ready to make payments

INSTRUCTION ON HOW TO EFFECT PAYMENT FOR DELIVERY

Dear Customer.(james taylor)

In receiving a mail saying that your preffered option is Fedex delivery Services,you are advice to make the payment of 360 dollars via WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR MONEY GRAM through the Name and Address of our Accounts Officer below. Your payment reciept must be seen here before your deliverypost man can effect delivery of your parcel to you in you home address.


NAME OF RECEIVER : MAXWELL OWEN [ACCOUNTANT IN CHARGE]COUNTRY OF RECEIVER : NIGERIA.

You are to send the following information via email as they appear on the western union transfer slip or money Gram transfer slip or you are to email us with a scan copy of the payment slip 1.Name and address of sender.2.Amount sent.3.Control number (MTCN) OR Ref Number. 4.Test question and answer .
5.Country of Receiver .
6.Country of Sender.

And immediately your payment received your winnings will be sent to you in your Country within the next 24hours as instructed after the payment have been confirmed by the delivery body.Do note that your check has been signed and parcelled ready for delivery, therefore any thought regarding deduction of charges from your winning is ruled out.

I await your urgent response.

Regards.
Mr. James Eric.


Then 'Bright' Mike wrote to me again, giving me another chance (oh how I love 2nd chances!) after realising my age. But wait, it's Bright Mike's email account used, but the person signing off is now a James Taylor! So is James Taylor their customer or their staff? *confused*

And how come there's 2 lines about question and answer (I bold it below)? Is that a trick question?

INSTRUCTION ON HOW TO EFFECT PAYMENT FOR DELIVERY
sir if you think these is a way of extracting money from you please dont reply these mail.first you started by giving us a wrong age,but we are still giving you a chance.


Dear Customer.(herbie t).

NAME OF RECEIVER : MAXWELL OWEN
[ACCOUNTANT IN CHARGE]
question;relationship
answer;friend
COUNTRY OF RECEIVER : NIGERIA.benin city edo state

You are to send the following information via email as they appear on the western union transfer slip or money Gram transfer slip or you are to email us with a scan copy of the payment slip 1.Name and address of sender.2.Amount sent.3.Control number (MTCN) OR Ref Number. 4.Test question and answer .
5.Country of Receiver .
6.Country of Sender.

And immediately your payment received your winnings will be sent to you in your Country within the next 24hours as instructed after the payment have been confirmed by the delivery body.Do note that your check has been signed and parcelled ready for delivery, therefore any thought regarding deduction of charges from your winning is ruled out.

I await your urgent response.

Regards.
Mr. James taylor.


That's when I decided I've had enough and decided to stop the game.

You only realised the age part now? For a 'Bright Mike', you're not exactly very bright, ain't you? For your information, this email belongs to a dog called Herbie, who died last year.

Next time, do your research properly before randomly sending out emails. If you want money, try sending this mail to Heaven. Not everyone is as stupid as to be scammed by you guys.

HAHAHA!

Strange but they stopped talking to me after the last mail.

Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.... I'm sure they're off to spend their time trying to cheat someone else instead of wasting it on a dead dog. :þ

Did I win lottery?